living with trichotillomania
74What is TTM?
Good question.
No one seems to know what TTM is because. Not many report having it. The mental heath person I saw when it all started described it as simply pulling my hair. It's not the same with every one.. the mild cases you'll see many times a day with out thinking any thing of it.. people subconsciously play with their hair and tug at it a bit or wrap it around their finger.
The bad cases like mine are where you actually pull your hair out. Some times even when you know your doing it you cant seem to stop your self.
It's very frustrating and I have tried many ways to stop my self, from wearing hats to wearing really thick gloves that hindered my daily tasks. I tried keeping my hands busy as a result I'm rather gifted in many things involving hobbies and crafts. It works for a while.. my personal best was 3 years. Every time I think I have it kicked I find my self wondering how it keeps getting to me again.
I tried handcuffing my self one time.. no luck there some how I always found a pile of hair beside me when I looked.
I have other issues with my hands not doing as I wish.. there are times I wonder if life would be better if I cut my hands off.
things people ask.
“If cutting your hair would get you a job would you do it.”
The answer is NO. if you are living with trichotillomania (TTM), you might understand my reasons. I hate hats and I hate having short hair. And I KNOW I will not get hired any where in the public eye if I DO cut my hair.
I have two options.: Shave my head, and Grow my hair long.
In short cutting my hair wouldnt help.
"Why not just ware a wig?"
Tried it. Hated it. It was almost the same as waring a hat and beside my roots were so fragile that the wig pulled out more than I did when I tried to unpin it.
"Have you tried sitting on your hands?"
Not very practical when you need them to do things. But yes I have tried tyeing my hands to my belt loops to limit my reach. And yes apparently I'm very flexible. I'd drift off into a daydream and come awake to yet another pile of hair and my head hurting.
Can it be treated?
Yes. As to the effectiveness of the treatments. It varies in some cases treatment can make it worse. Some people who have TTM from stress get worse due to the fact they they NEED treatment. Being jobless for so long has gotten me very worried. And pulling my hair out isn't going to help me get a job. But I don't want, nor do I think I can apply for, government aid.
part 2
- Living with Trichotillomania (part 2)
I posted Part 2 in a different section because I think people need to know how those with TTM feel given various interactions. And how to handle meeting those with disabilities. I personally prefer that...
Things people have suggested
Most of these were suggested by people who saw it as a habit or just a stress issue.
- S1. You should redirect it. Try slapping your hands or pounding your fist when you pull your hair.
- A1. Doesn't work I'm not always aware I'm doing it. I do this when i am aware.
- S2. You should relax and forget about your problems more often.
- A2. That is a stupid idea. Problems only get worse if you don't fix them they never go away on their own.
- S3. Have sex dude it'll loosen you up.
- A3. Oh right it's cause I'm a virgin.. No I chose to be a virgin. I don't see sex as a building block for a relationship. ( And I love you all the more heather for you're willingness to wait for me.)
- S4. Just shave your head and keep it short.
- A4. Tried that. Still managed to pull out the hair. And shaving my head scared people.
- S5. Ok, I could hit you when you do it that would stop you if nothing else.
- A5. Uh a teacher tried that one he slammed my hand on my desk a few times so I demonstrated my tolerance for pain by slamming my fist into the brick wall beside me. It's easy to make me say ouch but if I don want to feel it I wont. It's all mind over matter. If I don't mind the pain it wont matter. This could also be part of why I don't notice I'm pulling my hair out when I day dream.
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I've got it too. I wish I could stop :/ help
Hey HeXiS. I live with my partner who has TTM and has been dealing with it on and off for nearly 13 years. She's 22 now and she's jsut about to start another batch of drugs and treatments that she doesn't want to do (the drugs make her depressed and zone out - which as you can guess is NOT the best thing) so she's starting to refuse the drugs. She was working for a long time and that didn't help either. She loves animals and spends alot of time with our pets and trying to do stuff during the day, but it all seems to be to no prevail. As to your comment about claiming benefits, we are currently in a dispute with the JobCentre regarding the fact that TTM is actually a form of O.C.D. and that sufferers of O.C.D. can claim benefits - we're actually gaining headway so I'll keep you posted on that. However, she has had some respite through Mark Glenn in London, I suggest you check out his website to see what he offers as he specialises in TTM and hair loss. It can be fairly costly to start but is WELL worth it. Before seeing him, my partner wouldn't leave the house unless wearing a hat, now she goes out regularly and has even started going out and socialising.
I'm really sorry for those people on here who just don't understand what TTM is and other forms of it, and that you've had to put up with the criticism and views of those people.
I hope to hear from you at some point!
Ian
I am glad I read this. I have only shared my problem with one other person in my whole life. I am in my 50's and have been doing it all my adult life. The shame and embarrasment are overwhelming. I am glad I am not using my real name. Thanks for a great hub.
It took me a long time to search this. I've had TTM for 14 years, but I didn't know until 11 years ago. It has taken me 11 years to somewhat accept it and research it. I figured there wasn't a cure for it and I was doomed for the rest of my life. It started when I was in middle school. My first year--sixth grade. I was at a friends house and she wanted me to help her pull out these ridiculous hairs that were out of control. I remember thinking, 'Gosh, I'm so glad I don't have hairs like that!'. Turns out I did. And I wanted them GONE. Immediately. Thats when it started. It went from the hair on my head to my eyelashes. It was devastating--it still is. People made fun of me all the time. I would pull out so much hair on my head that I would have huge bald spots. I haven't had eyelashes in 14 years.
When I started high school, another boy developed TTM, too. What a silent relief for me. Until I heard people making fun of him. Saying terrible things. I couldn't stick up for him because I was fighting a battle myself, and no one knew about it.
I've become a master of disguise. I can pretty much hide it from everyone. I just don't want to have to put up with it anymore. I mean, I'll do ok for a few months and before you know it, eyelashes are gone..new bald spot on my head. I'm 24 and I just want to be pretty again. Or at least feel pretty.
Thanks for this great hub, I don't feel so alone.
To all of you who have commented. I want to say thanks for sharing. I've been doing ALOT of things to get my hands under my own control. So far so good. but then that's how it is most times eh? Much love and luck to every one who commented. im only sorry i was not here to reply until now.
Thank you for posting this. Like most i have not used my real name. I HATE admitting i have TTM it really upsets me. I like to keep it so that no one knows, Like lolabee mine also started when i was in school when i was about 10 im 23 now. Iv had CBT which worked for a while however it just comes back currently on a 2 year waiting list to go back on it >.<
Its really nice to hear from people that have the same thing as me... it makes me some how feel a lot less alone. I dont think my family and boyfriend really understand me. I like you mention in this hub iv had some really stupid things said to me one being "why dont you just stop??" its like really?? do you not think iv tried that already >.<
My Dad also has TTM but his is nothing like mine.his is extremely mild and he controls his by keeping his hair short. I can take out half the hairs on my head with in a few hours. Iv been done it while writing this...i just want it to stop. I find myself thinking of the extreme. like if there was a safe way to go into a coma and come out ok id do it for a year. Just to give my hair some time to grow and actually be able to wake up to a full head of hair would be a dream come true...again like lolabee i also just want to feel pretty and feminine
I on the other hand use wigs as my saviour i know you said you didnt get on with them but if i didnt have them i know id NEVER go out the house or let anyone see me. Id be too ashamed. i dont like them but at the same time i love them for giving me a certain amount of freedom and secrecy. I have shaved my head twice now and its destroyed me both times im contemplating a 3rd but its only a temporary fix.
I want to banish TTM from my life for good. Iv had enough of it controlling my life. Im now seeing a counsellor while waiting on my CBT im hoping it will help a small bit. Im glad to hear you have had some progress! I wish you all the best
Teresa McGurk 2 years ago
Hey HeXis -- thanks for writing this great hub. It is clear, concise, and well stated. When I saw the word trichotillomania I tried to figure it out (d'oh! best I could manage was "fear of Knitting"!). I've seen people twirl their hair, of course, but (like everyone else you meet, I fear) I didn't realize it could go to such an extreme.
I'm so sorry that you have had to endure people's lack of comprehension -- it can be torture when people make their kind suggestions, can't it? By bringing this to our attention, you are helping us understand. And when people understand, then they can REALLY start to show you their compassion and care.
Great hub.